How to Survive the Holidays When Life is Hard
Something I came to realize over Thanksgiving weekend is most people are struggling in some way during the Holidays this year.
In case you’re reading this sometime into the future, it is currently December, 2020.
Many people are unable to travel or spend time with their loved ones.
The rates of loneliness and depression have never been so high.
Add to that the financial hardships of many, and all the other ways the pandemic has wreaked havoc on people’s lives.
November 2020 was a rough month for my family, and one of the toughest months I’ve ever encountered in my life.
It got to a point where I woke up dreadfully anticipating the next wave of bad news, because it came so frequently.
Every single week in the month of November, at least one hardship or loss occurred.
I always believe in being 100% honest with my readers, but because some of the hardships pertain to other family members and are private matters, I cannot publicly state a few of them.
However, they directly impacted me, all the same.
The second half of the month brought two significant losses.
The week before Thanksgiving, my sister’s father-in-law passed away due to complications with cancer. My sister’s in-laws have been like family to my family for over 25 years, and this was a sudden and crushing loss.
And then, the day before Thanksgiving, I lost my grandpa to complications from Covid-19. He was in the hospital for a week and had been doing well, and in a matter of two days, his kidneys couldn’t take the medication anymore, and he passed.
We were all very close with him, and despite him going on 96 years old, I can’t help but feel cheated out of a few more years with him. Prior to contracting Covid, he was still driving and his social life thriving.
He was my last living grandparent.
Needless to say, Thanksgiving was a tough day for my family this year.
But then as I heard stories of what other people were experiencing over the weekend, I realized it’s been tough for most everyone.
Let’s talk about how to survive the holidays when life is hard.
Resources:
- Tips to Beat Holiday Stress
- 10 Ways to Thrive in the Midst of Chaos
- Didn’t See that Coming: Putting Life Back Together When Your World Falls Apart
How to Survive the Holidays When Life is Hard
You Don’t Have to do Anything You Don’t Want to
First and foremost, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.
Society, or maybe our environment, puts many unspoken expectations on us during the holiday season:
- Buying gifts.
- Sending Christmas cards.
- Rushing out to the mall for Christmas sales.
- Standing in a long line outside Best Buy to get a once-a-year deal on electronics.
- Taking family photos.
- Attending every charity fundraiser.
- Participating in Secret Santa at work.
- RSVP’ing “yes” to every party.
- Going out of town to spend Christmas with your in-laws.
- Putting up a tree.
- Cooking a big Christmas meal.
- Family traditions.
- Baking Christmas cookies.
- Hanging Christmas lights outside.
These “expectations” are only expectations if you define them as such.
Right now, I want you to drop everything you know about Holiday expectations.
It doesn’t matter what anyone else’s opinion on the matter is.
Once you’re able to drop any and all expectations, I want you to add back the things you actually want to do.
Do those things because you want to. Because you enjoy them, and they bring you joy.
There is so much freedom in doing things because you want to and not because you feel forced.
Resources:
Put Yourself First
It’s never been more important to put yourself first. Even if you have the responsibility of a family.
Because you have to take care of yourself first before you’re able to take care of anyone else.
Self-care is very important always, but especially during the Holidays.
Here are some habits in self-care you should practice this Holiday season:
- Exercise
I’m preaching to the choir, because I’ve let my own fitness habits slip lately. And if you have been with me for awhile, you know how adamant I was about getting in 10,000 steps a day.
It is SO important to get some kind of exercise, even if it’s just a walk.
Through the tough times this past year, walking around my neighborhood or jogging on my treadmill has been such a release.
Exercise helps you take care of your body and mind, and can help ward off sickness.
- Eat Well
The Holidays make it so easy for us to stuff our face with cookies or overeat during a big meal.
My personal tips for maintaining a healthy diet during the holidays are to eat healthy foods 80% of the time.
And when you enjoy Christmas cookies or a big meal, stop when you’re just full enough. You can always enjoy leftovers at another time, and you spare yourself going into a food coma.
- Practice Gratitude
Every day, write down five things you’re grateful for that happened within the last 24 hours. I promise you’ll instantly feel better.
Just be sure to write down specific things that happened and not generic statements, such as, “I’m grateful for my home.”
This practice has been a game-changer for me over the past few months!
Practicing gratitude helps you remember that there is still so much good in your life, and it gives you an immediate mood boost.
- Engage in Hobbies You Enjoy
Make time to engage in the hobbies you enjoy.
At one point through the barrage of hardships and loss in November, it occurred to me I hadn’t engaged in some of my favorite hobbies in weeks.
Taking the time to do the things you enjoy will bring you peace, so don’t skip out on them just because life is overwhelming or busy.
- Make Time for Quiet Time
Spend time daily in a quiet place where you can be alone with your thoughts.
For me, this is my front porch. Yes, it’s cold outside now, but I’ve been able to eke out a few porch sessions on some of the nicer days.
I swear by this, so find a place that suits you, and try it!
Resources:
- The Truth About Self-Care
- 3 Ways to Practice Gratitude and Feel Better Today
- How to Enjoy Your Own Company
- How to Make Exercise A Habit in 6 Steps
- The Best Personal Development Books for 2021
Just Say No
Don’t give into the pressure of accepting every invite, request to participate in charity events, Secret Santa gift exchange, etc.
If it’s too much and you don’t want to do it, then politely decline.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation, and you’re saving yourself from the inevitable burnout.
Only do what serves your agenda and contributes something meaningful to your life.
I recently joined a new bible/book study group with good friends-something I hadn’t done in a long time. Right now, I’m at a place where I need that fellowship and companionship from friends, and so I make time to meet with this group-even if it is via Zoom.
Resources:
Have an Escape Plan
Make a plan in advance if you end up in a pinch somewhere-like at a party or family gathering where you find yourself in a place you need to get out of there immediately.
Don’t Make Yourself Suffer
When my grandpa passed away, I was ready to throw the whole Holiday season out with the trash.
As I said at the beginning of this article, at lot of tough things happened in November 2020.
But then I had a thought-my grandpa would not want me to be depressed or skip out on the Holidays.
Thanksgiving wasn’t the same without him, and Christmas won’t be either, but I will make the best of it.
All that said, I asked my husband to get our Christmas tree out as we do every Friday after Thanksgiving.
I still need to hang the ornaments on it-including my most favorite ornament, a big gold ball with my name on it, a gift from my grandparents back in the ‘80’s-but the tree is up and so are the lights.
Thoughtfully chosen gifts for my niece and nephews sit in Amazon boxes by the front door, ready to be opened up and wrapped, and wreaths hang outside our house.
Because while there are a lot of Holiday “obligations” as I listed above that I won’t be participating in this year, there are a few I look forward to every year that bring me joy-including this year.
Don’t let yourself suffer. Despite what you’re going through, you can still experience the magic and joy of Christmas.
Resources:
- How to Stop Being A Victim of Your Circumstances
- 11 Ways to Beat Depression
- How to Overcome Struggles in Life
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