Using Selectivity to Transform Your Life
I want you to think about the selections you make on a daily basis.
The food you eat, the people you spend time with, the habits you engage in, the clothes you wear, the books you read, etc.
Do these selections support the life you’re trying to create? Would future you make these selections? You may realize you’ve been unknowingly making poor selections that aren’t a match for who you’re becoming.
Let’s discuss using selectivity to transform your life.
Using Selectivity to Transform Your Life
What it Means to Be Selective
Selection is defined as follows: Relating to or involving the selection of the most suitable or best qualified.
When it comes to the process of selection, we select based on our energetic field.
As an example, when you’re depressed or sad, you’re going to be drawn to things that match your mood. For instance, you’ll choose sad songs you can relate to over happy, upbeat tunes not a match for your current frequency.
Essentially, you select an experience that complements that mood.
We can reject experiences we don’t want and select those that complement our mood.
But while this may bring us comfort in many situations, the pitfall of of this theory is that we usually select things that match our current identity, but not the future identity that we’re trying to create.
Because we see ourselves in a certain way, we subconsciously select things, people and experiences that match the way we see ourselves.
This is human nature and the way our brains are wired. Our brains seek what is comfortable. But if you’re working on changing your identity or achieving a big goal, you must become mindful of the selections you’re making on a daily basis.
A good test is to ask yourself, “Does this support the life I’m trying to create?”
If the answer is no, you know the selection doesn’t support your future self.
A common example of not selecting well is poor spending habits. Let’s say you have a big goal related to money. Maybe it’s saving a certain amount of money or getting out of debt. You see your future identity as someone who does not struggle with money and it comes easily to you.
But currently, you’re making poor spending selections. You spend more money than you make on things you don’t need, never look at your bank statements, and don’t have a budget. Nothing about your current selections pertaining to money are aligned with your future self or the big money goal you set.
The problem is, over time when you select the same things over and over again, it becomes reactionary versus intentional.
On that note, your current selections are a mirror to your current self-image. So if you don’t like what you’re seeing in the mirror…it’s time to change those selections.
Related:
- 7 Healthy Mindset Practices to Adopt
- How to Create New Beliefs Using Your Calendar
- 6 Thinking Habits of Successful People
Observe the Evidence
If you study your choices and realize you’ve been making selections not in alignment with your goals or future self, don’t fret. The first step to making better selections is to be mindful about observing the selections you’re currently making and examine if they’re helping you or keeping you stuck.
The information you uncover from your selections will help inform better selections in the future.
Begin to make selections to provide evidence for how you want to see yourself.
Going back to the example of poor spending habits, in this case, you’d start creating a budget. You’d look at your bank statement and credit card statements and calculate where you’re overspending. Maybe you’re eating out too much and need to scale it back to once a week or avoid the Starbucks drive-through on work mornings. As you begin to make better selections regarding spending, you realize you have more money left over to save or help pay down that debt.
Unfortunately, making the right selections in alignment with your goals and future self isn’t easy. It’s going to be uncomfortable, but the journey to transform your life is always going to be uncomfortable.
If it was easy, everyone would do it! It takes re-wiring your brain and unlearning years of bad choices and habits and additionally creating new ones.
- How to Create A New Identity
- Journal Prompts
- How to Make Better Decisions
- The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth
Start with an Extraordinary Goal
How do you want to see yourself regarding relationships, money, your career, and every other aspect of your life?
What selections do you need to make to mirror a new self-image?
If you need a place to start, start by setting an extraordinary goal if you haven’t already. An extraordinary goal is a goal so big, it makes you uncomfortable because it will require you to transform into a new person in order to achieve it.
Some examples of extraordinary goals are:
- Losing 100 pounds.
- Taking your small business revenue from 10k a month to 100k a month.
- Paying off the 200k left to go on your mortgage.
- Going back to school for your Master’s degree after 20 years.
- Buying your dream home, which is currently out of your price range.
- …or any goal that requires you to experience discomfort and grow as a person in the process of achieving it. Not everyone will define an extraordinary goal in the same terms, but experiencing discomfort and having to become someone new to achieve it means it’s an extraordinary goal for you.
Now that you have your extraordinary goal, what do you need to be more selective of to reach your goal?
What area of your life are you not being selective? Are you being selective with your thoughts, or letting your brain run wild?
Think about your food selection at breakfast. You might be in the habit of picking up a sugar-laden venti Frappuccino and pastry from the nearest Starbucks on your way to work. In fact, maybe you’ve been doing this for five years now and don’t know any different. The response to stop at Starbucks on your way to the office is automatic. Your brain is pulled to make this Starbucks pit-stop and you know no different. It would make you uncomfortable to drive by and miss this part of your morning routine.
Now, let’s say you set an extraordinary goal to lose 100 pounds and one area of opportunity is to make better food choices. The daily Starbucks run and your extraordinary goal to lose 100 pounds are not aligned with one another. Does a slimmer, healthier you consume sugary Starbucks drinks and pastries for breakfast? If not, it’s time to make a shift.
If you’re mindful about the selections you make, you’re going to make a change in what you eat for breakfast, but it’s going to be uncomfortable. Sure, it’s easy to go to the store and buy fresh fruit, eggs, and brew basic black coffee with no cream or sugar at home. But then to carry out with waking up a little earlier to cook a healthy breakfast and get used to coffee without the sugary additives, then skip the Starbucks on your commute to work? That’s what’s uncomfortable.
It will require re-training your taste buds and going through sugar withdrawals. But when you continue to choose this new routine on a daily basis over your former one, you’ll begin to form a new habit that aligns with your extraordinary goal to lose 100 pounds. As a result, the number on the scale will start to go down.
Related:
- How to Set Goals the Right Way
- Dream Year
- The Art of Setting Smart Goals
- How to Set Goals and Achieve Them
Being Selective in Relationships
And I’m not just talking about romantic relationships, although of course, who you select to date and marry is one of the most important selections you’ll ever make.
Who is in your inner circle? Do their thoughts, beliefs and attitudes align with yours? Now, nobody is going to be a perfect match for you in all areas because human beings are unique.
However, you need to be mindful of who you allow into your world.
Going back to the example of poor spending habits, if you are intentionally working to align your identity as someone who does not struggle with money and it comes easily to you, you’re probably going to want to put some distance between you and your shopaholic friend with the credit card debt.
This doesn’t mean you have to remove people from your life entirely. Just watch their energy and the choices they make and consider how they do-or don’t-mesh with who you’re becoming.
If you set an extraordinary goal to lose 100 pounds, you want people around you who pursue a healthy lifestyle and make healthy living a priority. These are the people who are going to encourage you to keep going when it gets tough. Your experiences with these people will promote the healthy lifestyle your future self is living.
Related:
- How to Deal with A Challenging Person
- 5 Reasons Why Toxic Friends are Holding You Back
- How to Say No to People and Yes to Your Life
- How to Deal with A Challenging Relationship
Selective Intellectual Consumption
What does future you consume in terms of intellectual consumption?
This includes:
- Television
- Podcasts
- Books
- Magazines
- Movies
- Other Media
Everyone’s opinion on what constitutes quality intellectual consumption will vary. Ultimately, it’s about what gives you energy and aligns with your future self-image. If future you reads fashion magazines and that’s what gives you energy, by all means, read fashion magazines. Everyone’s going to be different.
For me personally, 90% of television programming, magazines, and social media do not align with my future self-image and I do my best to avoid them. I watch very little television and don’t even know how to properly work the remotes in the house as a result. My time used on media is spent reading books and playing adventure-themed video games-two media outlets that give me energy.
You put junk in, you’re going to put junk out. So be selective in your intellectual consumption.
Related:
- 11 Habits that Make You Unhappy
- 5 Ways to Unplug from Social Media
- Reconnecting: A 21-Day Social Media Detox Journal: Reflections and Goal-Setting for Folks Who Want to Be More Present in Real Life
- How to Quit Anything
Selective Time Management
Think about how you spent your time yesterday. Every single activity, every hour of the day.
Now ask yourself: If you were to use your time in this way for every day for the rest of your life, would you be happy with the result?
If the answer is no, it’s time to become more selective in how you spend your time.
Related:
- 6 Time-Wasters Successful Women Avoid
- Time-Management from the Inside-Out
- The High-Performance Planner
- How to Plan and Manage Your Time Effectively
Before You Go
Select people, foods, habits, experiences and things that align with your future self-image, not the one you currently have.
Reject the things that keep you stuck and inhibit you from achieving your extraordinary goals.
It’s going to be uncomfortable but the transition to becoming the person you want to be and living the life you desire is worth it.
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