How to Control Your Emotions and Win in any Situation

“If you do not have control over your mouth, you will not have control over your future.” ~Germany Kent

How often are your actions influenced as a result of your emotions?

All the time, right?

That text you shouldn’t send while angry.

The cupcakes at the office tempting you on a particularly stressful day.

Or are you someone who restrains your emotions before taking action?

Do you think through what the outcome is before making a move?

I was recently in an extremely frustrating situation where the part of me wanting to make my feelings known as a result of someone else’s actions was screaming to be let out.

Like, banging down the door screaming.

I don’t want to get into specifics, but a family member did something to upset another family member, and I was livid.

It took everything in me not to drive to the offending family member’s house and confront them in person.

I also wanted to block them on Facebook.

(petty, I know…)

But, I knew that wouldn’t solve the problem at hand and if anything, would make the situation worse.

So, I stayed silent.

(Well…other than venting to my husband, of course.  Husbands are great for venting.)

I know from past experience when I’m heated about something and not yet ready to have a mature conversation, the best thing I can do is just stay silent until it blows over, and only after it blows over should I confront the person.

But it took years for me to get to that place.

In this article, I’ll tell you how to win at controlling your emotions.

Whether you’re on the verge of blowing up at someone or struggling with discipline, this will help you overcome.

How to Control Your Emotions

Emotions Influence our Actions

It’s human nature to allow your emotions to influence your actions.

You had a bad day, so you skip your workout and grab takeout for dinner.

The temporary pleasure of Chinese food trumps the energy you don’t want to exert to work out in the midst of your bad mood, even though you know the work out would be the better thing for you.

Someone made you mad, so you quit talking to them until you’re over it.

Instead of having a mature conversation with the person who made you mad, you’d rather pout and ignore them until the anger passes, never addressing the problem between you.

But just because you want to do something to justify your feelings, doesn’t mean you should.

This is a lesson I personally really struggle with at times.

I’m impatient and used to seek out confrontation when I felt someone wronged me or someone I loved.

It goes against every fiber of my being to be able to take mature action sometimes in ridiculous situations.

But I know acting out based on my feelings won’t solve the problem and it definitely isn’t the person I want to show up as.

Needless to say, I have put the thought work in over the years, and here’s what I’ve learned.

Emotional Childhood vs. Emotional Maturity

Our mindset leading us to take action falls under two categories:

Blaming others for how you feel is called Emotional Childhood.

Emotional Maturity, on the other hand, is taking responsibility for your feelings and understanding that no one can “make” you feel anything-only you control that.

When we’re in Emotional Childhood, we give up our ability to control our emotions.

It’s no different than being back in 1^st grade when the class bully hit you on the playground at school and you hit back.

The teacher punished both of you with writing 50 times on the chalkboard, “I will not hit,” but you didn’t understand why you were in trouble too, because he hit you first!

That’s Emotional Childhood.

On the other hand, Emotional Maturity acknowledges that sure, what happened to you sucked, but you have complete authority over allowing it to affect your actions.

Emotional Maturity is handling the office bully with grace, even when she intentionally targets you.

It’s not responding to instigators trying to work their way under your skin.

Not giving into that temptation in order to build integrity with yourself.

Victim vs. Victor Mentality

Another way of looking at the battle over our emotions and how they impact our actions is victim vs. victor mentality.

Are your actions making you a victim or a victor?

Let’s say you’re driving home from work, and someone rear-ends you.

Do you pull over and proceed to yell at the person for causing something they obviously didn’t mean to happen and then rant about it on Facebook? (Victim Mentality)

Or, do you mask your frustration in favor of offering grace while filing a police report and exchanging insurance information, with the understanding it’s not the end of the world and your car will get fixed? (Victor Mentality)

Hey, we all make mistakes-right?

Do you realize your attitude about your situation is more likely to be positive when influenced by mature action-taking?

When you choose victim mentality, you choose to lose control of your life.

Choose victor mentality, and choose to have control over your life, regardless of the circumstances.

You can’t always control your circumstances, but you can control your attitude about them-and that’s what will change your future circumstances for the better.

Questions to ask Yourself

Still struggling with your feelings over a situation?  Consider the following questions:

If I give in to my emotions, will this solve my problem?

At the beginning of this article, I described a recent scenario where I was angry with the way a family member treated another family member.

I wanted to confront my family member about their treatment of the other family member, but I knew it wouldn’t resolve the core issue.

In fact, it probably would have made the situation worse.

I decided it was not a good idea to approach my family member until I cooled off, and was capable of having a mature conversation that focused more on the root cause of the problem and less about my frustration over the situation.

You could scream at the person who accidentally rear-ended you, like in the example I gave above, but it won’t take the dents out of your car or change what has already happened.

It’s crucial to think things through before acting them out and understand if they will truly help the situation or not.

What are my intentions behind what I want to say or do?

If your intentions are to make someone feel bad for the trouble they’ve caused you, check them at the door.

This is Emotional Childhood, victim mentality, and it doesn’t solve anything.

If you are tempted by something you want to do but know you shouldn’t, such as eating the cupcakes in the office break room, think about why you want one so bad that you’d break your diet for it.

Are you stressed out and need a quick fix?  Is it really worth ruining your diet and your integrity with yourself for a temporary release?

If not, then don’t do it.

Who do I want to show up as in this situation?

Do you want to show up as the victor or victim in your situation?

Are you someone who wants to help find a solution, or fan the flames?

Do you want to control the outcome of your life or let life control you?

In the situation with my family, I want to show up as part of the solution, but I also want to hold the person in the wrong accountable for their actions, in order to help them become a better person.

With the cupcakes, or any temptation or struggle you might be facing, remember who you are becoming.

Hold yourself accountable.

You are stronger than your temptations. Not giving into them builds integrity with yourself and leads to better decision making in the future.

The more you resist temptation, the easier it becomes to say no.

What do I want the outcome to be?

Think about what you want the outcome to be in your situation.

In the situation I described above, I want the outcome to be a restored relationship and for my family member to become a better person.

Consider what you’re currently struggling with and what you want the outcome to look like.

Let this desired outcome control your actions, not your emotions.

Final Note

While controlling your emotions isn’t always easy, it’s always an option.

Think things through before taking action and remember the person you want to show up as.

Don’t lose control in a temporary situation at the risk of hindering the person you’re becoming.

Read Next:

• Why Change is Good and the Benefits of Change
• How to Get out of a Rut and on the Path to Success
• The Best Personal Development Podcasts
• How Personal Responsibility Affects Your Life 
• How to Stop Being A Victim of Your Circumstances 

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