How to Say No to People and Say Yes to Your Life

How to Say No to People and Say Yes to Your Life

Why do we say yes to things our hearts aren’t truly invested in or agree to things we don’t have time for?

Something I’ve learned as a former people-pleaser is that at the core of a “yes” person is a mismanagement of priorities and a lack of self-confidence.

We say yes to people to avoid conflict, gain acceptance, and be liked (or even loved).

What happens when we say yes to people with no regard for our own priorities and well-being is we end up with a calendar full of other people’s priorities, not our own. Eventually, we become unfulfilled and burn out.

Let’s discuss why you need to say no to people, when to say no, and how to do it.

How to Say No to People and Say Yes to Your Life

Why You Need to Say No to People

You may think you’re doing someone a favor by accommodating them, but continuously doing favors is going to burn you out.

You have to be adamant about looking out for #1-YOU.

Nobody else is going to do that for you.

People-pleasers tend to struggle with self-confidence because they find their confidence in trying to please other people to get them to like them.

This is a very unhealthy way to (falsely) gain confidence in oneself.

Not everyone is going to like you, regardless of what you do. And you shouldn’t have to do them favors to win them over.

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**The requests you are accepting are taking away from your focus and priorities.**

Warren Buffet once said, “The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say no to almost everything.”

Being a yes person takes you away from your family, your goals, your life.

Time is your most valuable possession. If you’re struggling to find time to spend with your family, work toward your goals, or handle your priorities, you’re doing more harm than good by spending your time on anything outside that bubble of what you deem of utmost importance.

You have to be clear on what a real priority is and what is not.

This is not being selfish-or maybe it is. But it’s necessary selfishness.

You’re protecting yourself.

It may be only one day, or only a few hours, but every day and every hour matter when you’re dedicated to your priorities.

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You need to establish boundaries.

“Yes” people get walked on like a doormat.

When you start doing favors for someone and your only motivating factor behind it is you want to be helpful and nice, or you don’t want them to be mad at you, they are going to keep coming back to you.

Depending on the source of who is asking and what the favor is, this can become toxic as they will take advantage of you, as you will be their “enabler.”

A great example of this is your “friend” who is always asking to borrow money. I think we all have at least one of those!

It’s up to you to set boundaries so people learn to quit asking you for specific favors.

Once you tell someone “no” once or twice, chances are they’ll take the hint and ask elsewhere.

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When to Say No

Ask yourself these questions:

Does this benefit me in any way?

-If it doesn’t, the answer should be “no.”

Do I truly want to do this?

-If you don’t, the answer should be “no.”

How could I better spend my time if I don’t do this?

-If you know your time would be wisely spent on a priority during the time of the requested favor, or you’re currently in a busy season of life and free time is minimal, the answer should be “no.”

Do I have time for this?

-The truth is, you can make time for anything if you want to. However, it’s all about priorities. What you prioritize should consume your valuable time first.

Where does this stack up with my priorities?

-You need to identify your priorities and protect them.

Would this person return the favor if the situation were reversed?

-To clarify-I don’t believe in the attitude of “what’s in it for me” (if that’s the case, you should DEFINITELY be saying “no”!) However, there are some cases where the favor requested is money or something else that is a burden to you, such as borrowing your car, for example. If you know the person asking would never return that favor to you, the answer is “no.”

Will I be under added stress as a result of doing this?

-Would this favor require you to drive a long distance? Does it require spending or loaning money you can’t afford to lose? Does it place a burden on you, even a temporary one? Will this favor add more stress to your already busy schedule? If so, the answer is “no.”

If I were to say “yes,” what would my motive be?

-Is your motive that you want to be nice and please someone? Or that you want to avoid guilt? Are you afraid of upsetting this person if you say “no”? If so, the answer is “no.”

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How to Say No

Just say it.

If your initial instincts about the favor in question aren’t good and you’ve considered the above questions, just come out and say from the get-go that you are not interested.

Don’t be wishy-washy about your decision.

If you know in your heart you really don’t want to do something, don’t even give the opportunity with a “maybe” or “I have to check my schedule.”

That just puts the stress of the situation on you and your looming decision.

A mixed response that leaves any possibility of a “yes” also makes it clear to the person that you’re someone who can be manipulated (in the event this person is a manipulator).

People tend to use manipulation to get what they want out of people, even if they aren’t consciously aware of it.

Be firm, but polite.

Politely decline. Say “I’m sorry, but I can’t this time,” or another polite response that is firm and leaves no questions about it.

Don’t feel like you have to explain yourself (unless you want to). You owe this person no explanations.

Stand your ground.

If you receive blow-back, stick to your guns. Don’t give in. If this person is truly your friend, they won’t hold your decline against you.

Once you start implementing these tips into your every day life, your happiness quotient will dramatically increase, as well as your productivity! Your time will be spent wisely, and you’ll be that much closer to achieving your dream life.

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