4 Fears Holding You Back and How to Overcome Them
“You must decide that there is something greater at stake than your fear.” ~Rachel Hollis
Fear.
I always felt I was an expert on this topic, because most of the types of fear I’m going to discuss are fears I have personally dealt with starting from a young age.
So, if I could help even one person overcome whatever fear they are currently dealing with, that would be a personal win for me. Because I know how hard it is to do that from my own experience.
The dictionary defines fear as this:
“A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.”
Fear is often the brick wall that separates us from freedom. From getting what we want.
Sometimes, when there’s something I want to do that I know will advance my life (usually in regard to my career), fear tries to shut me down.
In many cases, it has.
And so many times, fear has kept me from rising above my potential.
As one of many examples, I was in choir in high school. My high school’s choir was arguably one of the best in the state of Indiana, if not the United States.
Growing up, I’d watch my high school’s chamber choir and I so badly wanted to be apart of that choir one day. I took dance classes and I did very well in them. Dancing was something that came naturally to me. I knew I could nail those dances, easily.
Then, the time came when I was old enough to audition.
I never did.
In my mind were all these thoughts: “I’m not good enough.” “They only pick pretty girls.” “I’ll embarrass myself.”
Chances are, I wouldn’t have made it anyway. It was very competitive. But, I’ll never know.
Now, I just remind myself I’m taking my own freedom away when fear stops me from even trying.
This often helps me cast my fears aside and make the move needed to up-level my life.
The magic happens outside of your comfort zone. It’s just a truth of life.
I once heard, “comfort and convenience runs the lives of unsuccessful people” and I would say that’s true.
So, if you want more for your life, you have to find a way to overcome the fear stopping you.
Before we dive deep into the kinds of fears that hold people back, let’s talk about the internal and external contributors to fear.
Resources:
- How to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
- Didn’t See that Coming: Putting Life Back Together When Your World Falls Apart (this book covers fear extensively!)
- High Performance Habits: How Extraordinary People Become that Way (also covers fear extensively)
The Internal and External Contributors to Fear
When we are fearful to pull the trigger on an action we are contemplating taking that we believe could take our lives to the next level, there are three contributors driving it:
Loss
We fear losing something-money, a relationship, status, an opportunity, time, etc.
Hardship Pains
We fear it’s going to be hard and uncomfortable.
Outcome Pains
We fear the outcome might not work out the way we’d hoped, and then we’d be disappointed.
Now, let’s talk about the four fears holding you back, and how to overcome them.
4 Fears Holding You Back and How to Overcome Them
In this section, I’m going to cover the four kinds of fear holding you back and how to overcome them:
Fear of Rejection
The fear of rejection is often rooted in people-pleasing and craving acceptance and validation.
Ask yourself: Am I fearing rejection? Is that why I’m not taking my life/dreams/goals to the next level?
Do you ever please others to the detriment of yourself?
This stems from a fear of rejection.
I am a former people-pleaser. It took me until just these last few years to start saying “no” and saying it often.
It’s not selfish-it sets boundaries and protects your schedule from dabbling too much in other people’s agendas.
If you’re pursing living more of an intentional life or specific goals and dreams, it is very important you can distinguish when something isn’t serving your goals and to politely decline when necessary.
You must be able to rate everything on your agenda in terms of its true priority.
I started turning down and bowing out from a lot of things a few years ago because I have some serious career goals I want to see come to fruition and I must put those first.
Also, I just wanted to spend more time at home with my husband and live a simpler life. Running around all the time and having my hands dabbled in several different things just wasn’t serving me.
When you have clarity on what you want your life to look like, it becomes easier to say no to things that don’t fit in with that vision.
Otherwise, you end up with a schedule full of other people’s agendas, while your dreams and goals sit by the wayside.
Resources:
- The Motivation Manifesto (great for those with people-pleasing problems)
- How to Say “No” to People so You Can Say “Yes” to Success
- Overcoming Self-Doubt (free training)
- How to Overcome Self-Doubt
Fear of Ruin
If you’re holding back from doing something out of fear you will be “ruined” or doing that thing would bring catastrophe your life, this is the fear of ruin.
A fear of ruin holds the belief the outcome would be irreversible; life would essentially be “over.”
But underneath this lies more than a fear of ruin, but a fear of learning.
I say this because everything we do in life is a test and something to be learned from.
So, if you fear your life would be over by taking a specific action, you hold the belief you could never learn or bounce back from what happened-life would just be over.
I think a great example of this is fearing financial ruin.
Both my husband and I recently read Rich Dad, Poor Dad. My husband is studying and practicing investing, and I’ve been studying and growing my financial intelligence.
One thing I learned from my studies is that “financial ruin” is technically not possible.
Money will always be available to everyone and the capacity to make that next dollar is in you, whether you know it or not.
There is enough money available, always and forever. You just have to actualize the capacity to have it and create more of it.
My last word on this type of fear is this: If there’s a tomorrow, there is no ruin.
Embrace learning from mistakes-this is how you grow, and it will help take you to the next level.
Resources:
- How to Change Your Mindset About Money
- Conquering Anxiety
- How to Stop Avoiding Hard Things
- How to Embrace Failure
Fear of Regret
A fear of regret says, “If I do this thing and it doesn’t go well, I’ll regret it.”
The key here is to evaluate the action you fear taking.
If it is a positive action, there is no reason to regret the outcome. Should the outcome not go the way you’d hoped, consider it a learning experience.
Many people look back on their past with the “should have, would have, could haves” of regret (that’s how I feel about never auditioning for chamber choir in high school-I may not have made it in anyways, but I’ll never know).
But when you take action from a positive place, there is no need to regret, regardless of what happens next.
A learning mindset is a mindset that deals with minimal regretful thoughts.
Learn from your experiences and adjust your behavior.
Forgive what you did yesterday if you’re left with the pang of regret. You weren’t as wise, thoughtful or intentional as you are today.
Don’t let the fear of regret stop you from taking positive actions.
Resources:
Fear of Responsibility
A fear of responsibility stems not from a fear of inadequacy, but a fear of actualizing our full power.
Responsibility can be scary to people.
I have a family member who gets by in life with very little responsibility, and their growth as an adult has been significantly stunted from this. It’s very sad to me to know this person could have become so much more but chooses to stay locked in a fixed mindset and has no desire to become anything more than what they are now.
If we knew we were able and capable to do more than we are now, we’d be forced to deal with the discomfort of taking on more responsibility.
But more responsibility aids in personal growth. It’s a great tool to stretch ourselves and grow and should be embraced.
The fear of responsibility can be flipped by understanding our ability.
I love this quote by Viktor Frankl, who wrote Man’s Search for Meaning based on his experience spending three years in Nazi-Germany concentration camps during WWII:
“The last of human freedoms, is the ability to choose one’s attitude.”
Viktor was in a Nazi death camp on the verge of demise when his camp was liberated. And yet, despite his circumstances, he still believed he was 100% in control of his attitude. Even in the face of death.
We are responsible for our responses and the people we become, whether we want to own up to it or not, and despite any circumstance we face.
Resources:
- How Personal Responsibility Affects Your Life
- Why Change is Good and the Benefits of Change
- Grow You (awesome life coaching)
Before You Go
Letting fear stop us from experiencing more is a choice we make.
The life we long to live is on the other side of fear and outside our comfort zone.
This will always be a fact of life.
Use these tools and practices to overcome your fear and watch your dreams come true!
You only live one life-live it with intention.
“Fear introduces this black wall to us. On the other side is freedom.” ~Brendon Burchard
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