How to Overcome Envy

How to Overcome Envy

Marriage and pregnancy announcements.

Vacation photos on Instagram.

The perpetually skinny friend.

A co-worker’s promotion.

The party you weren’t invited to.

All these circumstances and more may trigger negative emotions, or envy.

And with the digital age we live in, these negative feelings pop up to the surface like an overnight pimple with one scroll of our social feeds.

Envy can deteriorate or even destroy relationships and cause so much unnecessary suffering.

Even worse, it can harden your heart and prevent you from seeing your dreams come to fruition.

While experiencing envy is part of the human experience, it doesn’t have to overtake your life.

In fact, with intentional thought work, you can renew your mind to turn envy into inspiration.

Let’s talk about how to overcome envy.

Envy, Defined

The dictionary defines envy as:

A feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another’s advantages, success, possessions, etc.

When someone else has what you want and it ignites negative feelings in you, this is envy.

Envy stems from the beliefs you have about yourself.

Because you believe what someone else has is unobtainable for you, negative feelings are triggered.

You make what the other person has mean something bad about you.

Resources:

Envy vs. Inspiration

I’m going to use a made-up circumstance to explain the difference between envy and inspiration.

The circumstance is this: Your best friend is getting married to the perfect man, and you’re still single.

If you experience envy from this circumstance, you would likely have negative thoughts and feelings toward your friend.

You might believe all the good men are gone, and you’re bound to be alone forever.

Your friend getting married makes you feel bad about yourself because you think it’s a reflection of you and your single status.

If you could change the circumstance, your friend would still be single too, because then you wouldn’t deal with the negative thoughts and feelings that her getting married means something bad about you.

You feel left out and uncomfortable, and ultimately will distance yourself from her to avoid the negative feelings that arise every time you’re around her.

This kind of thinking is scarcity thinking, which is what envy is rooted in.

Scarcity thinking is the thought that there’s never enough. There’s never enough money, good men, career opportunities, etc.

On the contrary, your best friend getting married might inspire you.

You might still be single, but her marrying a great man is the encouragement you need to know good guys still exist.

In fact, your friend getting married is a catalyst of what you know are good things to come for you in the future.

Nothing about her getting married is threatening to you, as you know there are plenty of good men left and there is nothing wrong with you. You know you are 100% worthy of meeting and marrying an amazing man.

This kind of thinking is abundance thinking, which is what inspiration is rooted in. When you’re in abundance, you know there’s always enough available to you-good men, money, career opportunities, etc.

So, how do you know if what you’re experiencing is envy or inspiration?

You’ll feel negative emotions if its envy, and positive emotions if it’s inspiration.

Resources:

Grow You (the best life coaching!)
Better than You Feel: Making Your Emotions Work for You
How to Control Your Emotions and Win in Any Situation

The Problems Envy Causes

Envy ultimately stems from not being rooted in your identity and the beliefs you hold about yourself.

People in envy feel a sense of justice trying to take away from someone else what they don’t have for themselves in effort to assuage their negative feelings and their beliefs.

They believe, “If I can’t have more, you can’t have more.”

The envious mindset is a scarcity mindset-not believing there’s enough for everyone.

But the truth is, there is always enough for everyone.

There are always enough good men, there’s always enough money, opportunity, etc.

The effects of envy can be as minor as experiencing negative thoughts that you keep to yourself, or as severe as cutting people off who have what you want.

Even worse, envy will harden your heart and completely block you from getting what you want.

Instead of mindfully dealing with our own negative thoughts and feelings, we put the blame on others who have what we want.

This is acting out of mindless reaction instead of being mindfully proactive (being aware of our negative thoughts and feelings and doing the thought work to work though them so we get better).

We make it their fault we don’t have what we desire.

To our brain, it’s easier to blame others for what we don’t have, than addressing our negative emotions and how they are working against us.

**But only you can dictate what you think and feel about your circumstances.**

If you’re struggling with envy and you want to change, you must renew your mind and change the way you think.

Your thoughts are 100% your responsibility.

Only you can change your thoughts!

There is so much freedom in knowing this, because it means you’re capable of change and improving your life.

You can decide to renew your thoughts, overcome envy, and remove the damaging effects of it.

Resources:

How to Overcome Envy: Things to Remember

The first and most important thing you need to remember is that life is always 50/50, and that goes for everyone.

We are all going to struggle at some time or another.

In my husband’s and my struggle with infertility, I don’t envy pregnant women or women with children.

I know life for those women is 50/50, just as it is for me.

They may be pregnant or have children, which is what I desire, but it doesn’t mean their life is perfect.

Women with children are not exempt from marital problems, financial problems, dealing with single parenting, behavioral problems, etc.

Everyone has problems of some variety because life is 50/50.

I would easily choose my life with my husband as it is now over having children with marital or financial problems.

That doesn’t mean to say I associate having children with marital or financial problems-I just want to get the point across that I see women who have what I want-children-and they have problems of their own, which reminds me that life is 50/50 and everyone struggles.

The grass is never greener on the other side.

I will be happy and fulfilled, children or no children, because I know and revel in my identity and my life as it is now.

Knowing your identity and understanding you’re 100% worthy is a key component to overcoming envy.

You should always choose your own life. We are all blessed and given endless opportunities to live a fulfilling, joyful life, regardless of circumstances.

And on a personal note-I actually get really excited when I find out someone is expecting. It’s encouraging to me.

Just a few months ago, I found out a friend also struggling with infertility became pregnant. I was so excited I ran out to the backyard to tell my husband immediately.

When other women in my shoes become pregnant, it’s a sign to me that despite my husband’s and my fertility struggles, we are 100% worthy and capable of conceiving.

It’s exhilarating and gives me so much joy and hope.

Which leads me to the next thing to remember: If you’re struggling with envy, turn it into inspiration.

Let’s say your friend has an amazing career and makes a lot more money than you do. She gets to take lavish vacations and has the financial means to do things your budget does not accommodate for.

You could envy her and cringe when you see those vacation photos pop up on Instagram.

Or…

You could get inspired to seek clarity on what your career goals are and start working toward them, so you too can experience the financial freedom she has.

In fact, you could even ask her to mentor you and learn from her experiences.

Whatever it is you desire, get inspired by someone who has what you want.

But before you can do that, you have to renew your mind and change your thoughts to allow for inspiration.

Remember: there’s always enough opportunity, money, etc. for everyone.

A great question to ask yourself when struggling with envy is, “If I were in abundance and knew I could have this thing, would I be happy for them?”

If the answer is “yes,” do the thought work needed to believe in having that thing for yourself.

Then, get inspired to make it happen.

Resources:

Before You Go

It’s human to feel envy.

But by being mindful and proactive with your negative thoughts and feelings, you can overcome it.

I believe envy is a major road block preventing people from getting what they want in life.

Instead of focusing on how to get what they want, they focus on what someone else has and end up paralyzed, engulfed in negative feelings.

Envy will harden your heart and block you from seeing your dreams come to fruition.

It’s time to break the cycle of lack and overcome envy.

How can I help you overcome envy today?

I read every comment I receive and always respond back, so leave me a comment below!

How to Overcome Envy

How to Overcome Envy

Envy, Defined

Envy vs. Inspiration

The Problems Envy Causes

But only you can dictate what you think and feel about your circumstances.

How to Overcome Envy: Things to Remember

Everyone has problems of some variety because life is 50/50.

Whatever it is you desire, get inspired by someone who has what you want.

Before You Go

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**But only you can dictate what you think and feel about your circumstances.**