How to Live an Offense-Free Life

How to Live an Offense-Free Life

“I have learned that any day I spend angry and offended is a wasted day.” ~Joyce Meyer

For awhile I’ve had the topic of offense stored in the back of my mind, but I wasn’t sure how my readers would react to it.

Because I feel that some people will get offended (ironic as it is) over the concept of living offense-free.

But I find this topic to be more relevant than ever, so if I can help even one person learn to live offense-free, it’s worth it.

My #1 goal is to help you, my reader friend, so I wouldn’t be doing you any justice in not delving into this subject matter.

Because when you learn to live offense-free, you experience so much freedom and joy. Despite what other people are saying and doing around you.

I believe myself to be somewhat of an authority on this topic as I used to be easily offended in my younger years.

If you are someone who is easily offended, my hope is that your heart and mind are open to receive the information I’m about to give you.

Because the truth is, offense is a choice.

And you have the power within you to not choose it.

It’s knowledge that helped me become an offense-free person, and it will change your life, if you let it.

If you’re about to jump ship after my bold declaration that offense is a choice, please stay with me a little bit longer because my goal is to help you in this area and make your life better.

Remember-I’m a recovering easily-offended person!

But first, let’s talk about what it means to be offended.

What Does it Mean to Be Offended?

The dictionary defines “offense” as the following:

A violation or breaking of a social or moral rule; transgression; sin.
Something that offends or displeases.
A transgression of the law; misdemeanor.
The act of offending or displeasing.
A cause of transgression or wrong.
The feeling of resentful displeasure caused.

The human brain has its own set of rules and expectations for how others should be.

When expectations are not met, we become offended.

As a result of the offense, we harm ourselves.

We end up angry, upset and hurt, while the offender is typically unbothered.

As you can see, it doesn’t pay to be offended. It hurts us more than it hurts anyone else.

Think of drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.

I used to be easily offended, so I’d like to share a little of my story with you in how I overcame being this way.

My History as an Easily Offended Person

Growing up, I was a pretty small child. It made me an easy target for bullies.

Then I grew into adulthood and remained a fairly small person (it’s hereditary from my mom), which made me a target for women (and some men), who would make rude comments.

I used to make rude comments in return-which I know in hindsight wasn’t the right way to go about things. But, I was offended,right? So I didn’t care at the time. I was just trying to assuage the offense.

When I was attacked in this way, I felt like I had to defend myself. “I eat all the time.” “It’s my metabolism.” “My mom is this way too.” Etc. All of which is true.

At the last company I worked for, my department was primarily women, and there were certain people who made comments to me often. There is one person in particular who made very frequent remarks to me, to a degree I could have reported it to HR.

It was around this time I realized I was making their comments and questions mean something about me. The truth was, those rude comments were a reflection of them.

Getting picked on for my size wasn’t the only way I was easily offended, though.

Growing up and into my 20’s, I was overly sensitive to the way people treated me and the things they said about me, never understanding I didn’t have to allow the offense if I didn’t want to.

See, the reason I want people free from offense is because it takes being deeply rooted in knowing your identity to not be bothered by what others say and do.

When you know your identity and you’re deeply rooted in it, the things people say and do can’t inflict you.

Once I understood this and quit making the offense in question mean something about me, my life improved.

And that one person who used to make frequent comments about my weight? She eventually moved on to asking even more intrusive questions regarding when I was going to get pregnant.

There will always be bullies-they are their own problem, and they don’t have to be yours.

Let’s talk more about how you can become offense-free.

Resources:

How to Change Self-Defeating Thought Patterns
Scarcity vs. Abundance Mindset (free training)
Understanding and Loving Other People

How to Escape the Cycle of Offense

In order to stop being easily offended, you have to let go of the expectation that the world should be a certain way.

I understand in the world we live in right now, this is no easy feat. We’re inundated with the injustices in the world 24/7.

And please know, I am in no way undermining the severity of those injustices. They are very real and they matter.

But to remain offense-free doesn’t mean you have to forgo your opinions. It just means making room for understanding and compassion for those who don’t think like you.

Allow the freedom for people to be who they are, but have boundaries.

Please don’t misunderstand my statement. Obviously, if someone is hateful or toxic, you have the choice to remove them from your life. I don’t condone tolerating hateful or toxic behavior. Just want to make that clear.

But don’t look for something to be upset about. Social media is chock-full of people literally seeking out arguments and conflict with friends and strangers alike.

It emits so much negativity, and sucks away the positive energy that could be used in a productive and loving way.

And in looking at the bigger picture-how do we expect to create a productive, kind world if we are closed to other people’s opinions?

There is this dichotomy of good vs. bad/evil we use when someone doesn’t agree with us.

But the thing is, there is good and bad in everyone. There is good and bad in me, and there is good and bad in you. Nobody is perfect. This is why we need to allow grace to others.

It’s okay for others to not agree with you. Just keep healthy boundaries.

What if You Offend Someone Else?

You may be wondering what to do if you offend someone else.

No matter how kind and understanding of a person you try to be, it is human to offend someone at some point.

In fact, I come from a place of kindness and a desire to truly make someone’s life better with this article (and my website), but I know at least one person will likely be offended.

We cannot possibly ever measure up to the world’s standards of who we should be, so all we can do is be ourselves and allow others the freedom to do the same.

I’ve found many people end up offended over a simple misunderstanding.

In most cases, the correct response is to apologize and forgive yourself.

How to Deal with Easily Offended People

So, how do we deal with easily offended people?

Know that it has nothing to do with you and has to do with their beliefs.

If and when possible, invite them to have an open dialogue about the offense with the end goal of understanding one another better.

Do this from a place of compassion and love, not from a place of being “right.”

The Problem with Social Media

Social media has become a cesspool of offense.

If you feel triggered by social media, sometimes the best thing to do is just deactivate your account temporarily, or remove the app from your phone so you’re not tempted to scroll your feed.

I recently “quit the news,” as I’ve been telling people.

Basically, I quit checking the news and limit my news to a few sources that don’t trigger negative emotions in me.

As I mentioned earlier, I’m no longer an easily offended person, but I see all the people who are that bicker back and forth in the comments and get upset over others’ reactions.

I am not diminishing the importance of what is going on in the world and I do believe staying up to date on current events matters.

However, be intentional about your news sources and if you need to “quit the news” like I did or nix social media altogether for awhile in order to avoid offense, do it.

All the negative emotions that come with offense steal our joy and our creative energy. Don’t allow what someone said on Facebook to take that away from you.

Resources:

Before You Go

Remember: Offense is a choice.

You don’t have to allow what someone says or does to you mean anything about you.

Only you can control your thoughts.

There is so much freedom in knowing and actualizing this belief.

Choose compassion, love, and joy, over frustration, anger and hurt.

Even when it’s hard.

It’s okay to have opinions and disagree, just maintain boundaries.