How to Stop Avoiding Hard Things

How to Stop Avoiding Hard Things

I remember being petrified to get my license when I turned 16.

The summer after my freshman year of high school, I took driver’s ed.  But I feared taking the actual driving test at the BMV.

I didn’t practice driving much (as a result of being scared to drive) and I wasn’t confident in my driving abilities to pass the test.

Then, the summer after I turned 17, I decided to get more practice in as I prepared to finally take the test.

The big day came and…I passed.

I wasted all that time avoiding taking the driver’s test so I could get my license, only to pass on the first try.

Lesson learned: There is freedom that comes when you actually do the hard things instead of avoiding them.

So, let’s talk about how to stop avoiding hard things.

How to Stop Avoiding Hard Things

What it Means to Avoid

First, let’s talk about what it means to avoid.

Avoiding means you wanted to do something, or you knew you should have done something, but you came up with reasons as to why you didn’t do it.

Here are some examples of this:

• I’m not confident.
• It’s too hard.
• I just don’t want to.
• It’s going to be uncomfortable.
• I’m too busy with other things.
• It’s going to create conflict with another person.
• I had a stressful day and just don’t feel like it.
• It’s easier to be lazy and comfortable.

Brendon Burchard compares avoidance to playing defense on a football team vs. playing offense.

When you’re in defense (avoidance), you’re in reaction mode, reacting to the plays as they happen.

While in offense, you’re taking action, making all the plays, and you’re the one in control.

You need to be on offense!

Reasons We Avoid

By default, our brains seek pleasure and hate doing what’s uncomfortable.

One of my favorite life coaches calls this your “toddler brain.”

Similar to a toddler throwing a temper tantrum when they don’t get what they want, your brain throws a “tantrum” when you want it to do something outside of its comfort zone.

You might be avoiding making a phone call or having a tough conversation with someone you know won’t be well-received.

Maybe you’re avoiding getting started on the first chapter of that book you want to write.

Or maybe you avoid the gym because you’re “too busy.”

Whatever your reason for avoiding, it’s ultimately an excuse not to do the hard thing.

And the longer you put it off, the longer it’s going to take up space in your head.

Remember, there is a freedom that comes from doing hard things.

Avoiding isn’t part of your identity.  If you’ve been a chronic avoider in the past, you can learn how to overcome this.

Let’s talk about some of the root causes of avoiding hard things, starting with over-committing.

The Bad Habit of Over-Committing

One major cause of avoiding hard things is over-commitment.

We over-commit ourselves for various reasons.

Lack of clarity and understanding priorities is a big one.

If you don’t have clarity on what a real priority is and what is not, how will you find the focus to get the hard things done?

When you over-commit and your schedule is full of tasks from other people’s agendas, you can’t work on your agenda.

If you don’t know what you want to do, you need to decide and take ownership of your time before someone else claims ownership of it.

You’ll run into situations where people have an “urgent” request they want you to respond to asap that is, in actuality, not urgent at all.

It might be urgent for them, but not for you. Especially if it’s dropped on you at the last minute.

Avoid responding to these types of requests (unless someone’s house is on fire or it’s an otherwise real emergency-don’t ignore that!) until your agenda is fulfilled first.

I have set blocks of time to write and I disregard texts and calls during those times. Otherwise, it’s an interruption, I don’t stay on task, and my agenda isn’t fulfilled.

Generally, I maintain a 24-hour (or one business day) response time for requests.

It’s not selfish to put yourself first-you are in charge of your destiny, not everyone sending you urgent emails, calls and texts.

Some people use over-commitment as an excuse to avoid their own hard things, whether knowingly or not.

When you over-commit, you can’t own up to your responsibility to other people you should be 100% responsible for.

An obvious example of this is kids, but it also goes for your spouse and other family.  The people you do life with.

I used to do a lot of volunteer work and eventually significantly scaled back because it was cutting into time with my husband, and how fair would that be to him for me to be gone several nights a week when I’m supposed to be doing life with him?

Solving the Over-Commitment Problem

Learn to say “no” when it doesn’t serve your agenda.

I wrote an article, How to Say “No” to People and Say “Yes” to Success, on this very concept.

When you’re on “offense,” as Brendon Burchard says, you’re not over-committed.

You have clarity and an understanding as to what defines true priorities.

A great way to seek clarity is to set goals the right way.  You can check out How to Set Goals and Achieve Them for more on this.

We over-commit because we don’t know the real deadlines.  Focus on what must happen today.

If you need help with time management, check out How to Plan and Manage Your Time Effectively.

Time management is key in controlling your schedule vs. it controlling you.

And having control of your schedule is key to doing hard things.

Burnout

Avoiding the hard things often leads to over-commitment, which leads to remaining “on defense,” which results in burnout.

Burnout is caused by the following:

• Not prioritizing.
• Failing to plan in advance.
• Saying “yes” too much (being a “yes” person or people-pleaser).
• Not taking care of yourself.

We also tend to justify bad behavior as the result of burnout.

Here are some examples:

• “I was too tired to go to the gym after work.”
• “Today was stressful, so I neglected my diet and ate ice cream for dinner.”
• “My brain is fried, I can’t start this book tonight.”
• “I already had an uncomfortable meeting with my boss, I’m not in a place to have a difficult conversation with my spouse tonight.”

The good news is, burnout CAN be overcome!

You just have to learn to “play offense,” plan well, and take action in doing the hard things.

What Happens When You Do the Hard Things

As I mentioned earlier, there is freedom that comes from doing the hard things.

They no longer take up space in your head, and you no longer have to find reasons to justify not doing them.

When you get in the habit of planning your schedule and building up the discipline to follow through, you’ll create resistance against your brain’s instinct to want to avoid the hard things.

The result long-term is you’ll accomplish so much and make real progress.

Goals will be achieved and you can move on to what’s next.

You won’t experience the negative feelings that come as a result of avoiding the hard things.

Before You Go

Are you doing busy work, or life’s work?

When you repeatedly follow through on doing hard things, this is where real change happens.

Stop over-committing yourself, take control of your schedule, and build the discipline to do hard things.

What are you avoiding doing right now?

How are you planning to overcome the discomfort of doing the hard things you need to do?

Let me know in the comments below.

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• How to Change Self-Defeating Thought Patterns
• Needing from Lack vs. Wanting from Abundance
• How to Overcome Self-Doubt
• Understanding and Loving Other People
• How I Made Fitness and Nutrition a Lifestyle
• The Best Personal Development Books for 2020