How to Change Self-Defeating Thought Patterns

How to Change Self-Defeating Thought Patterns

The outcome of your future is determined by the quality of your thoughts, which is why I think it’s so important to address and work through self-defeating thought patterns. Everything starts in your thoughts-everything!

But we tend to operate most of the time subconsciously on auto-pilot that it’s easy to not stop and evaluate if our thinking patterns are actually working for us or are hindering us in the quest to be our best selves.

We wake up every morning and go through the same routine. When we insert something new into the routine, our brain wants to fight us on it. It likes being stuck in the subconscious, predictable patterns.

But if these patterns aren’t working for us, how do we fix that?

I have personally struggled with being “stuck” in self-defeating thought patterns, and it’s why I’m so passionate about studying thoughts, feelings, emotions, and overall, the human brain.

The good news is, even if you’ve suffered from self-defeating thought patterns for years, you can still overcome them!

You can 100% change the way you think, and that’s why I love studying the brain.

I love knowing I can change debilitating thought patterns and make my life better.

So, let’s discuss some common self-defeating thought patterns and how you can break out of them.

How to Overcome Self-Defeating Thought Patterns

Imitation

“Imitation is the inability to have individualization.” ~Brendon Burchard

Have you ever been to a party and laughed at someone’s joke you didn’t think was funny?

You were probably just trying to be polite to the joke-teller, but later that night when you got home you thought, “that didn’t even sound like my laugh.”

It didn’t sound like your laugh because it was inauthentic.

Remember, you didn’t think the joke was actually funny.

Imitation is inauthentic and steals from your joy and personal freedom.

It also keeps you from experiencing major breakthrough.

Imitation might get you started, but it’s not sustainable.

Authenticity and ownership of who you are-the good and the bad-is what brings about progress.

Where is the fake laugh happening for you in your life-the places you’re inauthentic?

I know for many women, it’s this idea we must portray ourselves on social media in a certain light: We have it all together, a great job, a wonderful spouse and kids, no problems, life is great.

Trying to convince the world we have it all together and life is perfect, when in actuality it’s anything but.

Take for example the married couple you know who is in crisis with their marriage, but on Facebook it’s all happy smiles and #soblessed hashtags, and you know it’s a farce.

“Conforming is the jailer of freedom.” ~JFK

Conforming is a version of imitation.

To conform means to act in accordance or comply with standards, beliefs, attitudes, practices, etc.

The thing about imitation is, it might get you going, but it will never take you to the next level of wherever you’re trying to go.

In-authenticity will always hold you back.

Embrace your individualism and authenticity, and you’ll win every time.

Take a moment to consider where in your life you may be inauthentic or conforming, and how you can rectify that.

Operating in Fear

There are three main reasons people operate in fear:

Fear of Loss

You might be scared to do something, such as start a business, quit your job, enroll in fitness classes, go back to school, state an unpopular opinion, etc. because of the chance you might experience the following losses:

Reputation
Security
Respect
Relationships
Stability
Comfort

Process Pain

Another aspect of fear is the process and struggle of working toward a goal of some kind, such as succeeding with a small business or losing weight.

When you start a project and get stuck somewhere down the line, the discomfort is agonizing.

They call it “growing pains” for a reason.

So, this leads many people to fear even getting started in the first place, because they don’t think they have what it takes to see it through.

Fear of Failure

A lot of people believe to fail at something means something about them, but it couldn’t be further from the truth.

In fact, failure is a great learning tool because it teaches you what not to do, which is something you didn’t know until you tried and failed.

When you fail at something, you try again using a new hypothesis to test, and this is how you learn what works.

But, because many people see failure as a bad thing, they never try at all, which is the biggest “failure” of them all.

Fear of Success

Many people fear success.

With success brings added responsibility and continually stepping outside of your comfort zone.

It may mean sacrificing time with loved ones or time spent doing the things you love.

For some, this is too much to bear.

Some people also fear life won’t be any better on the “other side” of success-the whole “the grass isn’t always greener on the other side” mentality.

Fear will always leave you stuck where you’re at, but on the other side of fear, is freedom.

You must be willing to risk embarrassment, loss, your comfort zone, and your ego to achieve success.

Perfectionism

I remember the months when I was building out my website.

At one point, I reached a place where I was ready to go live, but I was so scared because my website didn’t look exactly how I’d envisioned it to look.

To be honest, it’s still not 100% and I’ve accepted that, because everything is a process.

But back then, I was scared of what others would think.

It took a lot of courage just to share my URL with my own husband and closest friends!

I was so caught up in what people would think of my writing. What if they thought it sucked?

But, as I finally put myself out there and made my website live, I reminded myself there will always be someone criticizing what you do, and that’s okay.

There is a freedom that comes when you let go of perfection and let go of the idea of trying to win everyone over.

Perfectionism is a security blanket for scared people.

You have to start whatever it is you’re working toward, then perfect it as you go along.

Everyone starts at the same place with any new endeavor-with zero expertise, from the beginning.

You can tell yourself, “This isn’t perfect, but that’s okay. I’m learning and I’m getting better at this.”

Living in the Past

This is such a loaded topic for me, because until my late 20’s, I was notorious for living in the past.

My mind was trained on the mistakes I’d made or how someone hurt me.

This is not useful or productive. Ever.

Living in the past will destroy your dreams and create more of the same in your future.

In the book I’m reading, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, I learned how pretty much every thought we have is based on an event from our past, because that’s all we know and all we have to base new experiences on.

So, how do we not live in the past and live in the present?

We must create new thoughts. Check out How to Create New Beliefs for more on this.

Victim Mentality

Wikipedia defines “Victim Mentality” as follows:

“Victim mentality is an acquired personality trait in which a person tends to recognize or consider themselves as a victim of the negative actions of others, and to behave as if this were the case in the face of contrary evidence of such circumstances.”

Someone in victim mentality feels powerless and that bad things are always happening to them.

They tend to struggle with forgiveness and live in offense, and use negative circumstances to justify their behavior.

Similar to living in the past, this is never useful or productive.

In my mid-twenties, my brain lived in victim mentality. It’s why I’m so adamantly against it now that I’m on the other side of it and know how damaging it is.

During that time, I believed I was always the target of bad circumstances and that I couldn’t rise above because of them.

What I didn’t know was, it was my thinking that was doing the damage all along.

Once I addressed the root cause of my thinking, I was able to change my thoughts and create new beliefs.

Then, my life radically changed.

Because the solution to everything starts with you, in your thoughts, negative circumstances only affect you as much as you allow them to.

You are not broken, and you’re 100% worthy to rise above any circumstance.

Check out How to Control Your Emotions and Win in Any Situation for more on this.

Before You Go

Self-defeating thought patterns don’t define who you are.

They are 100% breakable, regardless of how long you’ve been in the habit of thinking a certain way.

Once you understand the root cause of a negative thought pattern, you can work on creating new thoughts that will aid you in living a joyful, purposeful and successful life.

What negative thought patterns are you struggling with?

Have you overcome negative thought patterns?

Let me know in the comments below.

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