Needing from Lack vs. Wanting from Abundance

Needing from Lack vs. Wanting from Abundance

Let’s talk about needing from lack vs. wanting from abundance.

It is human nature to need and to want.

We always need or want something. A bigger house. New car. Significant other. New job. Children. To lose weight. Etc.

There’s a song by country artist Jake Owen called “What We Ain’t Got.” He sings:

“We all want what we ain’t got. Our favorite doors are always locked. On a higher hill with a taller top, we all want what we ain’t got. We ain’t happy where we are, there’s greener grass in the neighbors yard. A bigger house and a faster car, we ain’t happy where we are.”

Wanting can be fun and challenging. One of my best friends and I run a digital marketing business, and it’s been challenging and rewarding stepping out of our comfort zone to build the business. We “want” to run this business full-time.

But wanting out of need can make you think what you have now isn’t enough, and that you’re “incomplete” as a result.

Are you needing from a place of lack and to fill a void in your life, or are you wanting from a place of abundance and with appreciation for what you have now?

I’m currently reading Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza and undergoing some serious thought-work during the extra down-time the pandemic has allowed us.

The core message of this book is that you create your future through the way you think.

When we think about our future, we think about what we want.

So, being intentional in how you pursue what you want is imperative to your future.

Take a moment to think about what you want.

It’s common to need something from a place of lack and believing that you’re not enough or what you have isn’t enough.

You’re not happy with your body and need to lose weight.
The job you have isn’t fulfilling, so you need a new job.
You need to find a significant other and get married because you’re lonely.
Etc.

Let’s dive into the thoughts behind needing from lack vs. wanting from abundance.

Needing from Lack vs. Wanting from Abundance

Example of Needing from Lack: Old Carpet

An example of needing from a place of lack in my own life has to do with the carpet in my house, of all things.

My house has hardwood flooring on the main level but some rooms have carpet. The carpet is old and my 9-year-old boxer has taken to peeing on the carpet in the office on occasion, so we’re frequently shampooing the carpet.

Having two big dogs, my husband and I don’t see a reason to bother replacing the carpet until we are ready to sell the house in a few years and move. It makes sense to do this.

However, there are times when I’ve gone to a family member or friend’s house and seen their beautiful new carpet, wishing ours looked that nice.

I would be so much happier walking into my home office with new carpeting.

The problem is, I’m not happy with the carpet we have now, and I only believe I need new carpet from a place of lack and unhappiness with my current reality: old, unattractive carpet.

As a neat-freak who likes her home to look nice, as it makes me feel “complete”, the old carpet is bothersome to me.

I also fall into the comparison trap in this example, wishing I had what someone else had-the new, fresh carpet.

Recently, I was at my cousin’s house and admired how nice the carpet was, how clean the house was.

Then I remembered: We have two big dogs. Our house is bigger and harder to keep on top of cleaning. We are replacing the carpet when it makes sense to do so-when we’re ready to sell the house. Our carpet is enough for now.

When you believe you need something coming from a place of lack, create a new thought regarding what you currently have.

For me, I tell myself the following regarding our old carpet:

I’m grateful to have carpet. It might be old, but it’s served us and this house for years. I’m also grateful for my carpet shampooer that enables me to care for my carpet. My carpet is enough.

Don’t Fall Prey to the Comparison Trap

A key defining factor separating the difference between needing from lack vs. wanting from abundance is falling into the comparison trap.

The technology age makes it that much easier to fall into the comparison trap.

If you’re not happy with your body and you scroll through Instagram staring endlessly at Instagram models, you’re going to feel unhappy and believe you aren’t enough as you are now.

Or, you might see your friend’s pictures on Facebook from her fabulous vacation in Italy, wishing you had the money to take such a trip yourself.

This envy makes you feel your life isn’t enough, that something is wrong.

And it’s not true.

You are 100% enough as you are now.

I know someone who went through a hard time trying to conceive at one point in their life, and during that time, this person wouldn’t talk to their own best friends who had children.

Every time they saw a new pregnancy announcement, anger and jealousy overcame them.

This is 100% needing something to happen from a place of lack and having your identity solely wrapped up in that need, which is not healthy.

Comparison is the thief of joy and if you don’t feel your life is enough now, it never will be, even after you get what you want.

If you want a bigger house because you saw someone else’s bigger house and you’re not happy with the house you have now, there is a void within you that needs to be resolved before you’ll be truly happy. Getting a bigger house (or whatever you think you need) won’t complete you.

Wanting from a Place of Abundance: Meeting My Husband

When I met my husband in 2014, I was ready to meet the man I would marry, but I was pretty content with my single life, too.

I always had an independent spirit and had lots of hobbies and traveled. Tack on a decent job and a great family and friends, and I was pretty content, even though I knew I was ready to meet the right person.

This feeling of wholeness led to me meeting the right person and marrying him.

I had love and appreciation for the life I had prior to meeting him, and this paved the way for the great relationship I have now with my husband.

Wanting something while currently loving the life you have now, is wanting from a place of abundance.

I’m doing this again now with my husband’s and my desire to have children.

This process hasn’t come easy to us, but in the meantime, I’m enjoying doing life with my husband, just the two of us.

If you don’t want from a place of wholeness, getting what you want won’t fill that void. There will always be something else missing.

You will never be content.

It’s why so many people get married for the wrong reasons or end up divorced. They felt they needed to get married because they were lonely or needed to be taken care of, and the void within them remained, even after getting married.

If you need out of lack, there will never be enough in the world to make you feel whole.

Want from a Place of Gratitude and Appreciation

When you appreciate what you have now, you’ll feel whole in your pursuit of what you want.

This was my experience while wanting to meet the right person, and it is my experience now in my pursuit to have children and take my career to the next level.

I have dreams for my career that haven’t come to fruition yet, but I’m appreciating the ride on the way to making them come true.

Appreciating all the knowledge I’ve gained and things I’ve learned that I didn’t know three years ago when I was still working for corporate America. Learning how to make my own money. Working from home. Etc.

You have to appreciate the journey first, not after.

I’m not “there” yet, but I feel so blessed in this trek to the top of the mountain. I know once I reach my goal, it will be time to pursue a new one and the process starts over.

The challenge is fun and exciting to me.

I’m not wasting time looking at others who are doing what I want to do and wishing I had their life-I love my life and watching them inspires me, if anything.

Take a moment to write down what you want, but using things you already have.

This exercise is to help you want what you have now.

To appreciate and love what you have now.

As an example, one thing I would put on my list is, “I want a great marriage and someone to do life with,” since I already have this.

Before You Go

When you want from a place of abundance, you expand your life experiences and push yourself out of your comfort zone. You truly “up-level” your life when you do this.

Needing from a place of lack, you’ll never find contentment or be happy. If you don’t understand this, you’ll need from lack just to try to prove yourself worthy, but you’ll never feel whole or enough.

Think of a hamster spinning on its wheel…that’s needing from a place of lack.

It’s never ending.

The differentiation between needing from lack vs. wanting from abundance is just a thought pattern.

Where you start with your thoughts is where you will end with your thoughts.

If you think you have enough, you’ll always think you have enough, before and after you get what you want.

Feeling unworthy or incomplete, you might still get what you want, but you’ll always feel that void.

Always.