How to Overcome Pain in 4 Steps

How to Overcome Pain in 4 Steps.

“Every problem introduces a person to himself.” ~John McDonnell

The difference between those who thrive and those who barely survive is how one addresses painful experiences.

With an open mind and an open heart, you could learn something extremely valuable from a painful experience.

I don’t believe “everything happens for a reason” or “God is in control” type statements.

However, I do believe painful experiences can be the launching pad to take our growth to new heights.

From my lifelong, ongoing struggle with depression, getting bullied as a child, a few bad breakups, relational fall-outs, an apartment fire, and getting in trouble for drunk driving in my 20’s, I’ve been through some pretty terrible situations.

Some of the painful circumstances from my past were caused by my own doing and some were caused by uncontrollable outside forces or other people.

I think it’s fair to say we’ve all dealt with our share of painful seasons in life.

And while nothing can take away the raw pain felt while experiencing negative emotions in the moment after initial impact, you do have a choice in how you deal with it.

No matter what that circumstance is.

You can choose to be a victim, point fingers at everyone and everything around you, and glean nothing from the experience.

Or, you can be intentional about discovering what the takeaway is from the situation.

In this article, I’ll teach you how to overcome pain in 4 steps.

These steps will help you overcome any painful experience.

Promise.

How to Overcome Pain in 4 Steps

Intentionally choose to be positive.

“To a large degree in life, you get what you expect-not always, but most of the time. So why would I want to expect the worst?” ~John Maxwell

There are two choices when it comes to your outlook on life. You can choose to be miserable and wallow in self-pity, or you can choose happiness.

Your outlook determines your attitude, assumptions, and expectations you hold about yourself, other people, and the world.

If you can maintain a positive outlook on life, you are much more likely to turn a bad experience into positive growth.

So, as John Maxwell asks, why would you want to expect the worst?

Expect only the best possible outcome for your situation.

One way to do this is to ask yourself, “who do I want to show up as in this situation?”

Try it.

I hate to admit I wasn’t able to ask myself this question until the last few years of my life.

Because I was ill-equipped to handle pain, I made every bad situation I went through that much harder.

But then, a couple years ago, my company announced they were closing our building and laying off 500+ employees company-wide, and I knew I couldn’t show up as the victim.

I gave myself a weekend to absorb the news, spent time alone with God, and vowed to come out of the situation better than before it happened.

The end result was significant personal growth, a change in my way of thinking, and creating my dream life from scratch.

I’m now in a place in my life I never thought possible.

You can, too.

Make the decision to stay positive, even when things are tough.

Resource: The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth by John Maxwell (book)

Understand the value of bad experiences.

“Facing difficulties is inevitable. Learning from them is optional.” ~John Maxwell

It’s always easier to see the good in a bad situation in hindsight. Unfortunately, when we’re currently going through it, it’s not that easy.

The difference between knowing the value of a bad experience and not knowing is whether you understand that difficulties allow for opportunities to learn.

I went through a particularly tough time in 2012.

It was arguably the toughest year of my life.

When things got really bad a few months into the year, I was still a 29-year-old. Shortly before turning 30, I vowed to get through the hardship I was going through and come out on top, better than ever.

For me, this began with hearing from the Lord for the first time in years. I had long abandoned any faith in God by my mid 20’s, but during one particularly painful week, I was assured by the Man with the Plan that all would be ok.

I just had to get through this harrowing season of life, and I’d make it out to the other side just fine.

And I did.

During this time, I spent a lot of time alone, reading and writing. Truly getting to know myself. I accepted the Lord into my life.

I acknowledged that my past actions, habits and attitudes weren’t working for me anymore.

If I couldn’t establish new, better habits, I’d never see change in my life.

While this season was one of the most painful of my life, I am eternally grateful for it.

For if not for that season of pain, I wouldn’t be where I am now.

I came out of that season light years beyond where I was prior to entering it.

Resources:

Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl (book)
How to Embrace Failure (blog post)

Make good changes upon learning from bad experiences.

“Not every thing that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced.” ~James Baldwin

Bad experiences give us the opportunity to make positive change in our lives.

When I was laid-off, I had the choice to wallow in self-pity or take action.

I chose to take action.

To create my future.

Instead of feeling sorry for myself, indulging in bad habits or complaining to everyone who would listen on Facebook, I had a different plan of action.

I knew I could not continue to be the person I was if I wanted to exit this circumstance better than I was before it occurred.

To stay the same would have meant looking for a new job in the same field and wasting more years on another soul-sucking job, and remaining comfortable.

I didn’t want that.

This was my opportunity to change.

Getting laid-off, I realized, was a blessing in disguise.

The opportunity I’d been waiting for.

So, I stayed quiet. Spent countless hours alone thinking, researching, and planning.

Aside from my husband and a few close confidantes, I told nobody about my plans.

I went about this bad circumstance by way of a new, previously unthought of (to me) route, and I came out on top.

Your choices will either lead to the pain of self-discipline or the pain of regret.

Choose wisely.

Resource: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey (book)

Take control of your life.

You have to take responsibility for your life, regardless of your circumstances.

How many people do you know with identical bad experiences but two completely different outcomes?

When my former company announced the lay-off, there were various reactions and, as the result of this, various outcomes.

One co-worker of mine had a new job lined up within weeks.

Another employee wasted the last few months of her employment crying, complaining, and causing drama with HR.

At the time of her lay-off date, she had no new job, and minimal severance. She’d spent more time playing the victim than working toward a solution.

Her results were a reflection of that.

I chose to evaluate the situation and glean major insight into my future.

Because of this, I understand getting laid-off was one of the best things to ever happen to me, because it helped me discover my purpose.

I only wish I knew then, what I knew now! It took this situation to force myself to put my thinking caps on and think about what I truly wanted in my future.

“It is nearly impossible to grow in any significant way when you don’t take responsibility for yourself and your life.” ~John Maxwell

Resource: Change Your Brain, Change Your Life by Daniel Amen (book)

Final Note

You have to be intentional to work through a painful experience.

Who do you want to show up as?

What do you want the outcome to be?

You have the freedom to choose.

How do you overcome painful situations? Let me know in the comments below.